| Fatzo |
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The farmer who owns the house nearby heard the noises and goes to take a look, calling the police and ambulance on the way.
30 minutes later a policeman knocks on his door and asks "Where are the people involved in crash?"
The farmer says "Don't worry they were all dead so I buried them."
The policeman gets confused and asks if he is 100% sure and farmer replies "Yeah some of them said things like "I'm alive, please stop!" but you know the politicians right? They are all fucking liars.
| MechanimaL |
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hrhr | Fatzo |
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"Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
| Fatzo |
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A truck in front of them contains adult sex toys.
All of a sudden a large black dildo falls off the truck and hits the windscreen of the car.
"What was that mommy" says Johnny, "Oh... it was a fly" replies the mother, slightly embarrased, "Jesus!" says Jimmy, "Did you see the size of the dick on him!"
| Fatzo |
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99% sound, 1% advice.
| FiesuS |
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Zitat:
Kommt ein Mädchen ohne Arme in die Eisdiele.
Fragt der Eisverkäufer: "Na meine kleine was möchtest Du denn?"
Darauf Sie: "Egal fällt eh runter."
und wisst ihr, was das mädchen letztes jahr zu weihnachten bekommen hat?
eine rolex.
ne war nur spaß. das päckchen hat sie noch garnicht geöffnet!
| Fatzo |
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Zitat:
Shapeshift into siamese twins, male and female, attached at the genitals and fuck yourself.
Sounds like a plan to me.
| Fatzo |
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| Staber |
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| Fatzo |
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| Fatzo |
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A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
| Fatzo |
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"Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money, and go to Las Vegas"
He ignores the voice, but it keeps coming back.
"Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money, and go to Las Vegas"
Months go by, and the voice won't stop.
"Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money, and go to Las Vegas"
Finally the guy can't take it anymore. He quits his job. He sells his house. He takes all the money and buys a plane ticket to Las Vegas.
The second the plane touches down, he hears the voice in his head:
"Go to a casino"
He goes to a casino.
"Find the roulette table"
He finds the roulette table.
"Put everything on 17 Black"
He puts everything on 17 Black.
The dealer spins the wheel. It comes up Red 36.
The voice in his head says..
Fuck.
| Joka |
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| Goliath |
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| Fatzo |
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The astonished woman replies, 'I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?'
Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!'
'I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church. The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, Sir, what seems to be the problem here?
'There is no damn problem,' the man says. 'I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.
'I see,' said the pastor. 'And is this bitch giving you a hard time?'
| Delgado |
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| Fatzo |
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Peter says, "Welcome to Heaven, do you have any questions?"
To which the man replies, "Yes, my girlfriend and I never had a chance to get married while we were alive. Can we get married in Heaven?"
Peter says, "That's a good question, I will be back when I have the answer."
Left at the gates, the couple begins to talk about love and how long eternity is. 6 weeks later,
Peter returns and says, "OK, I've found your answer. Yes, you can get married in Heaven. So come right in and enjoy eternity together."
The couple responds by saying, "We have another question. Eternity is a very long time and we are not sure if our relationship will last. If things don't work out, can we get a divorce in Heaven?"
To which Peter replies, "Fucking Christ! It took me 6 weeks to find a priest up here, do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?!"
| flx |
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| FiesuS |
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eine Schwuchtel und ein Rollstuhlfahrer.
Der Wirt grinst und fragt: "Was
seid ihr denn für ein lustiger Haufen?"
Sagt die Ossifrau: "Wir sind die Bundesregierung!"
| flx |
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| Fatzo |
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| Homer |
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| Fatzo |
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| Fatzo |
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